RAID UNSUCCESSFUL In a surprise early-morning raid, the members of Wasilla Bible Church's Outreach Ministry surrounded the home of "Big Barb" Swenson, manager of the local fish cannery and Wasilla's only practicing Lesbian. The ministry, called "Homo No More" claims that through accepting Jesus, gays and Lesbians can change their sexual orientation and "live an OK life". Pastor Jim Paul Gibbons adds, "People should fuck only who God says to fuck, it's in the Bible."
The pre-dawn intervention, however, did not go as planned. Warned by an anonymous tip, a well-armed Swenson held the raiding party at bay until State Troopers arrived on the scene to disperse the crowd.
"I am not gonna take no shit from no one!" shouted an angry Swenson, as Deputy Sheriff Tom Packer tried to defuse the situation. Packer added later, "Big Barb was madder than all get out. You don't want to get her pissed at you."
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