AP - Washington In an amazing repeat command performance, practicing alcoholic and current president George Walker Bush delivered his "Scare the Bejeesus out of the Simpletons" speech with all the solemnity and gravitas of an Epcot automaton.
Inserting the words "economy" and "financial crisis" where "Iraq" and "weapons of mass destruction" once served to strike fear into the hearts of all Americans, Bush was only half as successful in his attempts this time around.
And how did this presidential rallying cry play on Main Street? Gathered around the television at Sammy's Bar in Omaha's once thriving downtown area, patrons were unimpressed by the president they twice voted for. Bartender Jinnie Spornak complained loudly, "I heard that shit before. Does he think we're retarded? Christ allmighty."
Asked whether the current economic disaster would affect their votes in November, most patrons agreed that Sen. McCain was a war hero who deserved their worship and that Gov. Palin was "fuckable, like that naughty librarian in the porn movies".
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