AP - Washington
In his established pattern of fucking everything up he touches, current alcoholic president G.W. Bush took to the airwaves to calm the jitters of world's financial markets.
Response to his speech was swift and universal - every stock and bond market around the globe plummeted.
When asked to comment on the president's words of comfort, Republican Sen. John McCain muttered, "Who will rid me of this meddlesome priest?"
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