Why the Long Face, Ann?
AP - New York
Media Whore and Nazi Henchman, Ann Coulter has reportedly broken her jaw and a team of surgeons have wired her mouth shut, thereby silencing, at least for now, the Banshee's sickening screech.
Details on how Mr. Coulter came to this blessed state are not available, but a cocktail waitress in a Manhattan nightclub claims, "I saw her there in the coatroom, giving head to that crazy 'ol Al Sharpton. Next thing I hear is her screaming and all Hell broke loose."
Doctors at New York's Lenox Hill Hospital claim to be searching to replace the damaged bone structure. Maxofacial surgeon Dr. John Halpern detailed the search, "It's difficult actually to find the right donor material. We have narrowed it down to two possibilities - a non-acid corrosive titanium alloy... or the jawbone of an ass."
Meanwhile, Mr. Coulter is resting in her hospital room surrounded by cards and flowers from well-wishers.
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