AP - Washington DC
The annual dumbshow of the Presidential Turkey Pardon came at an ideal point in lame duck George W. Bush's calendar. The staged photo-op of the Thanksgiving turkey being spared the axe is a traditional moment each November, but this year the outgoing president, never one to miss a trick, used his authority to spare himself any post-January investigation or prosecution.
"Fuck the bird, " Bush cackled to the gathered reporters, "Heh-heh, I mean... let's eat the bird, I'm going free!"
The reporters laughed, thinking it another example of the president's off-color humor. But he insisted, "I'm serious motherfuckers, there's an Executive Order on my desk right now. So, Hasta La Vista, dickwads, nobody can touch me."
He then grabbed the startled turkey by the neck and swung it over his head, killing it instantly. "And that's how we do it in Crawford." The president then sauntered back to the West Wing entrance chuckling quietly to himself.
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