AP - Los Angeles
Hoping to stem the tide of criticism on his controversial anti-gay comments to the New York Times, ultra-hetero pop singer, Prince, has declared, "I didn't vote for Obama, either." Thinking this superior stance puts him above the fray of worldly debate, the Purple One went on to say his conversion to the Jehovah's Witness faith was "like Morpheus and Neo in The Matrix".
When asked to explain what the fuck he was talking about. Prince stood up and did an interpretive dance while describing the film. "See, it's about these two hot guys, one's White and cute and kinda spooky. The other's a mysterious, but really hot, older Black dude. And they dance all slow-motion and stuff, like they're fighting, see? But they're really just practicing to battle the giant computer thing that controls us all. Get it?"
Prince feels he was maligned by the NY Times about his political views. "We don't vote." the singer claimed, "and by we, I mean me and the Jehovah's Witness people. We don't have crazy parties and wear colorful costumes and prance around on stage... or have birthday parties. Cuz that's where the Devil can get you, you know, like at a birthday party or something."
He claims the NY Times misquoted him, which has upset him terribly. "I have friends who are a gay and we study the Bible together." When asked to explain, Prince unzipped his pants to expose himself, "It's my weenie, but I call it 'my Bible, the Holy of Holies'."
Regarding California's Proposition 8, which struck down the rights of same-sex couples to marry, Prince tapped his "Bible", saying "God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was like, 'Enough'."
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