POLICYWANKER SOAPBOX
"There's a certain irony to this."
And with that, South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford receives Policywanker's coveted NO SHIT, SHERLOCK AWARD for Political Excellence.
Standing at the podium to deliver to South Carolinians what some would call a Press Conference, but Policywanker deems a painfully self-absorbed act of auto-erotic flagellation, the cracker governor careened widely between all-too-human love machine ("that whole sparking thing") and devoted public servant ("the fiduciary responsibilities I have to the people of South Carolina"). He stretched the credulity of the gathered press (some could be seen snickering at times) with tales of his Christian dedication to God's Law and something called the C Street Bible Group - a lobbying organization for Jesus, we presume.
Now, keep in mind the local reporters have already consumed the best of his torrid emails, published recently and confirmed by his office to be legit. So his Hot Argentine Maria's "magnificent gentle kisses", seductive "tan lines" and "erotic beauty" speak louder to the governor's kink for the Horizontal Mambo than his determination to keep his hands on the wheel of his sinking Ship of State.
An eight-year email tease went on between these two Married-With-Children adults-cum-adulterers. But is it our place to judge them? Well no, that is for them and their Gods to sort out. BUT - our place is to bask in the absolute theater of it all, when once again, a sanctimonious sumbitch politician who opposes Gay Marriage and adoption because it tarnishes the sanctity of Marriage, gets caught with his cock in the cookie jar, leading to a tearful public apology... divorce... broken families... children in therapy... and yard sales.
And the clincher, to hide his horn-dog mission to Buenos Aires, he cooks up a fabulous fable of "hiking the Appalachian Trail" - now certain to be added to the Southern lexicon as a euphemism for getting your freak on.
Policywanker salutes the good governor from South Carolina with this award - and for his filling the vacant spot on a slow news cycle.
And gives extra credit to Gov. Sanford for scheduling his fun, foreign fuckfest on Father's Day weekend. Real classy.
No comments:
Post a Comment