Bill Clinton is A Whore

POLICYWANKER SOAPBOX

   Really? $2500 a ticket?

   And people paid it...? Canadians are idiots.

   So, what did they get in Toronto at sadly, the first of many Bush(=Dog) and Clinton(=Pony) Shows? Two pricey pieces of old ass complimenting each other's presidential prowess and dick size.

   Calling him "brother", Bush high-fived Clinton and joked about how they "used to believe in free speech". Get it? Now, they're paid.

   The 6000 suckers, eh, Canadians... were disappointed by the lack of venom, or intelligence, displayed by the two exes. Instead, the audience was treated to a pussy-footed love fest, while over a hundred protesters logged their disapproval on the streets outside.

   The onstage conversation can best be summarized by the following likely exchange backstage...

   Clinton: You da man!

   Bush: No, buddy, you are!

   Clinton: No, you are!

   Bush: You! You are the MAN!

   ...and so on.

   Bill Clinton proved himself, once again, to be the self-serving attention-starved douchebag we have all come to understand and ignore.

   Will no one rid us of these troublesome priests?

The Faces of Torture

POLICYWANKER SOAPBOX

   As the media chews on and spits out a steady stream of whodunnits and whyfors on the issue of "Did we? - or Didn't we?", how long are we going to digest, without barfing, the truth of our own national culpability?

   Like the legend of The Good German, the one who said "Nein" to the Easy-Bake Ovens, The Good American is being paged. Please stand up, Sir or Madam, and tell us how you feel. Please, look to the dock and point out the perpetrator of this vile act.

   The image Policywanker finds most disturbing from Abu Ghraib is not the hooded man awaiting electrocution, or the naked pig pile of excrement spotted prisoners, or even the dog attacks... it is the woman above, flashing an All-American Pepsi-Cola smile, happy to be pretty, young and in power - while a man in her care has just been murdered.

   Who must answer for this? All of us. 

  

Miss California Provides Trump Lip Service

POLICYWANKER SOAPBOX

   OK, first let me ask a dumb question: Does this woman really deserve our attention?

She ran for Miss American Tits and Ass - and lost. That's all that happened. Really. No one cares about her opinion on Africa, or Health Care or Lesbian Love... well, Donald Trump may feel otherwise.

   But as the California Supreme Court teeters on the brink of reinstalling the transmission in the Gay Marriage bus, Miss California, always the bridesmaid, pitches her Revival Tent of Bigotry on the courthouse lawn and Trump calls a press conference. The content of Miss CA's speech (youtube it for a laugh) is breathtaking in it's self-serving "Victimized Champion" approach. 

   She imagines herself in the center of a "media firestorm" and she, the breast-augmented lone lamb of God against the wolves of Gaydom. "God Hates Fags... No offense." 

   She goes on to sincerely deliver a selection of random bumper sticker cliches from Support Our Troops to God Bless America with equal simpering. "My blouse blew open", explains away her boob pics on the internet, because she, after all, is a Christian Miss, and never ever would she sell herself cheaply for monetary gain. Up the ante and it's a different matter.

   I hope she enjoys her brief moment in the ring, duking it out like a punch-drunk modern-day Anita Bryant, but I would add one thing to her line of reasoning - God Also Hates Bigoted Lying Sluts... No offense.

Swine Flu Patient Zero Identified

POLICYWANKER SOAPBOX

   As the World Media works round the clock to insure that everyone is terrified to be in public without hand sanitizer, CDC investigative scientists have identified Patient Zero in the heralded Swine Flu epidemic.

   Two year-old Johnnie Peabody appears to be the culprit after Frenching a Mexican puerco in Chihuahua last February. Johnnie is fine now after a medical regimen of Chicken soup and crackers.

   Last year, over 36,000 people died from complications of "Regular Old Flu". Up from previous years, but certainly not Front Page headline-worthy news.

   So, instead of the hysteria (e.g. the healthy and gorgeous Mexican Soccer Team was forced to wear surgical masks as they made their way through Chicago's O'Hare airport for fear of... fear, I guess) can we all please take a collective uncovered breath of sanity?

   Jeez-oh-Pete!

   Maybe we could focus on Universal Health Care as a weapon against pandemics, instead of Home Depot paint masks...?